He Just Watches

The bedsheet snapped across my bed, as Mum, bleary eyed, muttered under her breath. I knew what she was saying. I was too old for this. I knew I was. Too old to be so afraid. Too old to be having accidents.

'Thomas, it's almost midnight. I'm tired. Can you please help me with this?' Mums voice was restrained. She didn't want to yell at me. Just like I didn't want to lie awake at night, hair bristling on my arms, eyes pinned to the ground. 'Thomas?' Mum asked again, her patience teetering on the edge.

'Sorry,' I mumbled, forcing myself away from the doorway, making sure to stick to the edges of the room.

'You're almost ten,' Mum sighed. 'This has to stop,'

With my teeth clenched and my hands shaking, I focused all my attention on folding the crisp white sheet under my mattress. 'Maybe I could sleep on the couch tonight?'

'Tommy, please. You have a wonderful bed. A perfectly comfortable, supportive, barely used, wonderful bed. You need to sleep in it.'

'What about a camp out?' I said, my eyes pleading with hers. 'I could get the old tent from the shed, you wouldn't have to do anything. I know how to put it up. I've been practising.'

'It's ten degrees outside!' Mum exclaimed.

She was right. It was freezing outside. Every heater in the house was on, and there was still a chill in the air. But cold I could take. Cold wouldn't wake me from my sleep with whispers of gurgling laughter.

Mum sat down on the edge of the bed, her shoulders slumped, 'Love, please tell me how I can help.' Her voice was soft. Defeated. I recognised the feeling.

'I'm sorry,' I whispered, sitting close against her.

She put her arm around me and pulled me in tight, 'What was it this time?'

A lump formed in the hollow of my throat and I couldn't form the words.

'Tommy?' Mum prompted, her eyes closing as her mouth opened into a wide yawn.

I couldn't tell her. It wouldn't do any good. She couldn't see. 'I just can't sleep here.' Even as I spoke I felt his eyes searing into the top of my head.

'I'll keep your door open and I can leave the hallway light on,' Mum offered. 'Do you want me to get Lily's night light?'

I shook my head. It wasn't the embarrassment of stealing my ten-month-old sisters night light that stopped me. It was the knowledge that it wouldn't help. All the light would do was illuminate what I knew was already there.

I reminded myself that nothing happens. He never leaves his post. He just... watches. I could be brave. As if my body wanted to prove that I was wrong, my eyes drifted upwards. A pair of brown lace up dress shoes swung melodically back and forth. Immediately, I pulled my eyes down, my entire body quivering.

'M-m-mum,' I stuttered.

'Yes, love,' she said, her eyes fluttering open as she tried to keep herself from falling asleep.

'Maybe I could sleep in your room, on the floor. You wouldn't even know I was-'

'Tommy,' Mum's voice was firm, 'We've been through this,'

'I know, it's just...' my voice trailed off.

Mum turned to face me, a curious look on her face, 'You know what, your dad and I have been discussing cleaning out the study. It doesn't get used as much anymore. It's much smaller than this room, and right next to the living room, so much louder, but if you think it might help you, you could move in if you like.'

'Yes!' I practically screamed. From the corner of my eye, I saw the legs slow to a halt. He was listening. 'Now? I want to move now.'

Mum laughed, 'No, silly. It's the middle of the night. We need to pack up everything, but we could do it over the next few days,'

'Yes. Please.' A few days. I could do that. I had lasted months already. At first it wasn't so bad. He would just visit. Every now and then I would wake to a soft scratching, or a gentle humming. But after a while, he stopped leaving. And now he was here every night. Just watching. But it would be over soon. He never left this room. I would be free of him. The sickening knot in my stomach loosened.

'Great,' Mum yawned. 'It's settled then. We've been talking about moving Lily out of our room, so this works out perfectly. She will move in here and you can move to the study. I personally think you're crazy, this room is far bigger than the study, but if you're-'

'Lily?' I said. My little sister.

Mum nodded. 'Is there a problem with that? You don't for some reason want two bedrooms now do you?'

Above Mum's head the feet began to swing, left and right. The pace picked up. He was happy. He was getting a new play mate.

I felt the sick taste of bile in my throat. Lily was so little. The thought of him watching her night after night. Of her staring up at him. His voice drifting down to her as she slept. My stomach turned to lead as I realised I couldn't leave.

'No,' I said, my voice catching at the end.

'No?' Mum repeated, 'Tommy, it's late, and I don't understand these games. What is it now?'

I took a deep breath, and forced my eyes to the ground, 'I don't want to leave. I'd like to stay here,'

'Tommy this is ridiculous,' Mum moved to stand up, but I grabbed her hand, holding it tightly in mine.

'I'm sorry for all the hassle,' I said. 'I want to stay in here. You're right. The rooms bigger and its quieter.' Hot tears welled behind my eyes as I spoke.

'That is quite the change of heart, Tom. Are you sure? You won't get another chance once Lily settles in.'

I nodded. A soft, cheerful humming filtered through the room.

A minute later I was sliding beneath my fresh doona, tucking the blanket all the way up to my chin.

Mum gave me a quick kiss on the forehead, her brow wrinkled with confusion, but her body too tired to decipher it, 'I love you,' she whispered as she paced over to the doorway. She stumbled near the foot of my bed, and with a sigh, she bent down, picked up my school bag and tossed it into the small space above my wardrobe. My eyes automatically followed as the bag landed, next to him. His feet were dangling over the edge and his head was twisted at an unnatural angle so he could fit within the small gap. His mouth was stretched into a satisfied smile.

My breath caught in my throat and I snapped my eyes back down to my knuckles, now white against my doona.

Mum stopped at the doorway, 'Sweet dreams,' she said, before turning off the light and disappearing down the hall.

The sound of finger nails slowly drumming against the wooden wardrobe echoed in the darkness. I shivered.

I didn't blame Mum. She didn't see him. Adults never saw him.

I nestled further into my bed; my breath hot under the doona. Sunrise was a still a few hours away. I took comfort in the fact that he never left the wardrobe. He just watches. Then, I heard it. The unmistakable sound of a pair of brown dress shoes landing lightly upon my bedroom floor.